I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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