Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
