pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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