She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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