yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
