Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
