I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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