I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
