omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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