Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
