She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Too much gin, very little bucket
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
