jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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