thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
