ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
