I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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