Please don't use social media to get back at me.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
