JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
