Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
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