Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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