I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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