You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Randomize
