then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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