so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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