your parents love me but you hate me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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