the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
