on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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