I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize