I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
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