we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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