Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
