I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
