Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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