and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize