hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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