It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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