Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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