remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
