i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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