I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize