I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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