I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
