Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
