once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
