we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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