Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
