dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i think my mom watched the whole time
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize