That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
