Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
