I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I think a kid would responsible me up
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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