i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize