how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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