am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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