did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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