I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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