I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
