my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
