Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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