Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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