So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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