Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
