Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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