1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
What drink are we having for lunch?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
