just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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