Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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