She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize