I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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