Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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